Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
