Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
