She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
