I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
