you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
