Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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