Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
