No stitches, just platelets and will power
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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