My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
