If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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