you have to choose: penises or morals?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
