I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
