Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
