i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
