I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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