she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
