You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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