can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
