He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
