$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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