not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
