he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
