dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
