Plan B is the new Plan A
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
