1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
