i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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