You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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