I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
