I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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