If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
