That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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