i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
