She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
