I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
