So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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