You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
