I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I need to wash the frat house off of me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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