I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Someone came in the potted fern
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
