I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
