Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
