Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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