That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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