I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
