fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
