have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Let's get the cat blown out
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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