i love accidental penises.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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