My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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