Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
