Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
