I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
