hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
