There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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