I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
