fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
