I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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